What is the biggest source of inspiration for your writing? Who would you say are your influences?

My biggest source of inspiration for writing is my friends. I want to make art that they will enjoy. My greatest influences are Denis Johnson, Lorrie Moore, Eve Babitz, Jean Rhys, and Joy Williams.

How did you find out about the fellowship? What did it feel like to get that acceptance?

I found out about the fellowship one day scrolling Instagram while my daughter was napping.

I got the phone call letting me know I had been accepted when I was hurrying back to Mighty Bread where I had accidentally left my wallet several hours before. My phone rang and I almost didn't pick it up because I thought it was a spam call — it must have been September or October, back when everyone was getting tons of calls and texts every day about the upcoming presidential election. But I did pick it up, and out of breath was like "Um, hello?" expecting it to be some hapless volunteer asking me if I had registered to vote. On the other end was Taylor from Blue Stoop, who I guess realized it was unusual to reach out and call folks without any warning, and took no offense to the annoyance in my voice. Once she said "Blue Stoop," I had a funny feeling rise up in my gut. I quickly apologized and changed my tone and waited for what she would say next. Apparently the email notifying me (and the other members of the cohort) had gone to my promotions folder in Gmail, so she was calling to followup and let me know that I had been accepted. I was shocked and wanted to scream with joy. I don't ever win prizes. When I submit my work to journals and lit magazines, I mostly get rejections. I felt incredibly lucky and grateful that I was even considered, and elated that a group of people including Jennifer Weiner read my words and thought I was worth taking a chance on.

How does your identity shape your work?

My identity, just as everyone else's, has shaped my worldview and thus my work. The things I've had to deal with, the challenges I've faced, the opportunities I've been presented, the unkind words I've taken to heart, the chances I took and never took, it all comes out in the writing. I'm still working through traumas, old ones and fresher ones, and for better or for worse writing has been a tool in my self-exploration and healing.

What is the ideal next step in your writing journey? When/where can we expect to see you sharing your work with the world?

I would love for this third novel I'm currently querying to find representation and a home at a reputable publishing house who will give it the attention I believe it deserves. I would love even more for it to become a movie one day. I have no idea when or where that will happen, but I'm putting in work by querying right now, and putting this wish out into the universe to manifest it into reality.

Do you have any dream collaborators? Publishing houses? Credits? Blurbs?

Can I say I want to be friends with Lili Anolik? Is that weird?

I just want to keep doing cool and new things with creative people. I feel incredibly lucky to know so many amazing artists and writers and people who make shit happen. I love collaborating and contributing and coming up with ideas for events and projects.

If I could get Sheila Heti, Jhumpa Lahiri, and Miranda July to blurb my novel, that would be tight.

When did you know you were meant to be on your writing journey?

I realized I was meant to be a writer when I was an unemployed 25 year old. After getting let go from my job, I had no idea what to do with my life, but I started getting serious about blogging: writing daily posts, dreaming up controversial topics to opine on (mostly fashion-related, but sometimes political), and taking the time to read other people's blogs and leave comments on them. It was the golden age of Blogspot and Wordpress, and Gawker was still a thing. I thought maybe I could turn blogging into a career. I had always loved blogging (going back to the days of Xanga and Livejournal), and before that journaling, writing poems and stories, but I had only ever thought of it as a hobby. It wasn't until I read a book by Ariel Gore called How To Be A Famous Writer Before You're Dead that I realized all the writing I had been doing meant that I was indeed a writer, and if I wanted to get published I could simply start making my own zines and keep publishing my work online. Making zines and getting involved in community events opened up an even bigger world for me than blogging did, and allowed me to meet others in real life who pursued a similar passion. Going to poetry readings and putting myself out there brought me new friends and introduced me to new places to to read work and possibly share my own work. It's just been an upward trajectory, a continuous journey, and I haven't stopped wanting more for myself.

Did you have any hesitation when applying for the fellowship? What helped you decide to pursue the opportunity?

When I first saw the post on Instagram, I was like, "Should I even bother applying for this?" but something inside me told me to "just do it, why the hell not?" And so I did. I filled out the entire application during my daughter's afternoon nap. I think I might have been taking a break from writing up a book review I had been working on, you know a little social media scroll as procrastination method, and quickly answered the questions on the form. I got pretty personal with it, talking about certain childhood experiences of being shut down after expressing interest in certain things, and how those early experiences shaped and haunted me until I figured out how to begin healing by unlearning. I didn't second-guess myself when I was answering. "Might as well put it all out there," since those formative moments greatly influenced how I thought about myself as a woman and a writer, and how I want to do better for my daughters, and it all still comes out when I am writing, as if I am replaying these scenarios out on the page and trying to show that younger version of myself that she needn't be so unsure of herself. The fellowship, I felt, in its description, was made for someone like me, a writer who wants to improve herself and her surroundings, who normally isn't afforded the time or the space to do so. Even if the odds were slim, I decided to hit send on the application and hope for the best, and if nothing came of it then I appreciated the opportunity to think and type out this kind of thesis to my work as a writer and an artist. I don't know if I had ever put it into words like that before. I copied and pasted my answers into a Google doc for myself, so I could reflect on them later.

What are you working on right now?

I am working on my fourth novel, a darker, moodier, and more plot-driven story inspired by the disappearance of the Springfield Three.